I’m done.

I never figured out WordPress’s new format. It makes no sense to me. I have no one familiar with word press to ask. So im done here.

I will quickly update.

Life changed for me personally, very quickly a couple weeks ago. I won’t go into details. I’m just not ready to hear the comments. Its affected my health. Very quickly i have developed infections and a cyst on my knee. My blood pressure is elevated already and im sick as a dog. regular life activities are very hard. Just having someone sit next to me and talk with me is tough. When a person is physically sick, sometimes you just dont want to be bothered. I havent been this sick since i had my son. There is a condition that occurs and its a rare but very hard thing to live with day in and day out. Even Kate Middleton dealt with it and was hospitilized. There is your hint. 😉

My hubby started a new job. It is a HUGE blessing to our family. It will help us get back on track in moving forward into Independance hopefully a year from now. There are so many raises and benefits. My hubby is a fast learner and can be raised up to a level 3 quickly which in turn would be another raise yet. This is exactly what we needed. I dont like feeling dependant. Thats not me. We will make it! The old job was a dead end. There was no raises for anyone in 5 years. My Hubby was praised alot and made an example out of, for being a good employee. And yet when he announced his departure no one offered more $ to keep him. Its telling. Especially when the bosses are flashing around a new Boat and New half a million dollar camper and they refuse to give raises or promote anyone in years. I totally understand why moral amungst the employees was very low.

My girls are doing well. They are all excited and nervous for the new school year in a new school. Its a month away. My girls go to church camp soon.

Andrew is good. Im still beyond frustrated with his toileting habits. I cannot wait for his 5 year appt. I am pushing for a child psycology referral. Dont get me wrong. He does one in the bathroom but not the other. He has fears of crocodiles biting him. I wish i was making that up.

Molly is well, Molly. Better at NOT making so many messes. Tho we have found some hum dingers recently. She is potty training and has been going at times without even me prompting her. Geez. I really think she is gonna be completly trained before her brother. I gotta tell ya people werent kidding when they said Boys were hard to potty train. YOU AINT KIDDING! Girls are easy.

Even Alannah knows when she does it. It was kinda funny. she is only 17 months but she was holding her butt today while going in her diaper. I could hear it and she knew something was happening. I’m planning on starting her training too when school is in. I can give more attention to the baby girls in that when they are the only ones home during the day. I’m already teaching her what she does is called.
Alannah has been sooooo loving with all of us. She loves to cuddle and give hugs. Tho you might get smacked by her and then hugged immediatly after. LOL

And I did it. I gave it one more try with my Father. It didnt work. Boom! Crash and burned. I sent him pictures and descriptions of each of his Grandchildren. I told him i wanted to get together. Its been almost 5 years!!! The response? Thank you for the pics, look for my next email.

That was weeks ago. I hear nothing. His daughters from his first marriage {Twins} both contacted me when i aaid something about it online. They both said they dont understand him. This is how he is.

Why is it that those who lose a parent or even parents and the rest of the family just disappears? I dont get that…. at all. Adults ESP. those with young children NEED ADULT GIUDANCE! You STILL need your parents to guide you in your adult life. Even the BIBLE supports this. Older Woman to teach the younger. Etc. Yet this has been lost in our society. Why? Or Older Men to help the younger men be good Fathers, husbands etc. WHERE ARE THEY?

Now when i was old enough to learn things as a young girl, my Mother was sick and fighting cancer. She couldnt stand there and teach me to cook, clean, pay bills, etc. I had to learn all of that on my own.I grew up real quick. I worked 3 jobs while attending High School. I pray to this day i know what im doing because there was no other adult watching to make sure i did it right.

My Grandparents lived out of state and did try to help when i saw them over the summers. and oh how i remember Grandma tearing apart each room for spring cleaning. I do that too.

I wont do that to my kids. I am more than willing to teach. Isnt that the most important part of parenting? Teaching self sufficiency. I have no idea what its like to have a Father. I struggle with that. I do have that hole in my heart. I tried to fill it. And when said Parent disappoints and seems disinterested it hurts. It doesnt just hurt me. It hurts a whole generation of children. My children never knew what it was like to have a natural born grandfather in their lives. NONE of them. I hope they will be good grandparents some day. I do have an Uncle who does reach out once in awhile. I am much appreciative of that.

I guess my Aunt was right. I had an Uncle John once. I knew OF him for years and when i was a teen he reached out to me. Here he was dying of cancer (Same old same old story in this family) He wanted to reach out to me before he died. Told me of a inhertience that my Grandmother left for me. He was trying to get it to me. He also told me that my Father had alot of problems. He was a very selfish man and to not take him personally. That he wasn’t a man you can trust. (I guess so when you been married 5 times and cheated on every one.)

Next thing you know my Uncle died and my inhertience never came. I asked my own Father about it. He said he knew nothing about it. I call Bull. So why am i trying to start a relationship with a man i call Father who many people tell me isnt trustworthy and seems disinterested in his own child? I dont know. But writing this out makes me realize its not worth chasing down someone who wouldnt chase you down. So im done. I have tried through the years. And truthfully? Do i want my children influenced by a con man? Icould tell you stories. But i wont do that online. It wouldnt be right. Just think of the main charachter in “Catch me if you can” and you will have my Dad. 😦

Felt good to get that out.

Well, So long. May God bless you all!


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